Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Your Ads Have Been Adjusted: NYC Subway Movie Posters

Last week I spent three days in New York (yay!), and thankfully left town just as Maksim Gelman was in the midst of his very scary killing spree. Me, I wasn't stabbing people in the subway, but checking out the many landscape-format superposters that line the underground walls. These are the filmic images that thousands of folks gaze at every day, and they undoubtedly influence a whole lot of movie-ticket purchases. But how many people look closer? How many are content with the movie ads they're fed? I wasn't, and here's what I gathered (anger alert!). 


First we have the new one-sheets for "The Adjustment Bureau," which are waiting for you around just about every other corner in Midtown. This film has seemed pretty banal to me from the get-go, so I'm not about to be swayed by any new approach to its marketing; however, I will say I like the sleeked-out look, a sort of silver-nitrate-dipped update of a certain 2007 poster. These babies feature glossy, doctored shots of stars Emily Blunt, John Slattery and Matt Damon, the latter of whom looks the most striking -- not, mind you, because he's giving that inquisitive, action-hero stare, but because Matt Damon hasn't looked that good IN YEARS. Perhaps these pics were snapped at the start of this film's ages-ago shoot, but the more likely scenario is that somebody's taking some serious Photoshop liberties. The last time I saw Matt Damon in a magazine, he looked like my uncle (and he's OLD).

False. Advertising.

And speaking of obnoxiously. clipping. words. with. periods., the poster for "Take Me Home Tonight," with its "Best. Night. Ever." tagline, has made it unequivocally official: "Best/Worst. ___________. Ever." is no longer cool or acceptable by any means. In a very short amount of time, I've heard it in at least two Super Bowl ads, another commercial, seen it in magazines, and seen it on this poster. We've jumped the shark with this one, kids. It was hip for a hot minute when it was blowing up people's Facebook walls, but the marketing powers that be have now harnessed it and butchered it as per usual. I hereby declare that those who pull the "Best/Worst. ___________. Ever." card in my presence will get a wicked stink eye and a high sh*t-list placement. It's just. not. cool. anymore.

Oh My Gooood, and then there's "Just Go With It," a Hollywood project that's just so pathetically tragic. The title is fist-to-the-gut indicative of our pushover moviegoing public, who will totally heed the call and send this sure-to-be-nightmare to top of the charts.

Don't tempt me with those fists, Sandler

And what the hell is going on with Jennifer Aniston's career? The hubby and I have been watching "Friends" reruns lately, and all I keep thinking about is how low Rachel Green has plummeted. Does her agent actually hate her guts, or does she just have the worst taste of any major actress? The probable answer, at least to why she boarded this particular ship, is Adam Sandler offered her an enormous check, just as he did his fellow laugh- and life-syphoners in "Grown Ups." Which is pretty much where the conversation ends with me in terms of any future Sandler project. I will never forgive him for "Grown Ups." Ever. Not even if "Big Daddy 2" came out and starred puppies instead of blonde 8-year-olds. "What do you define as the lowest depth of misery?" Vanity Fair's Proust Questionaire asks each month. "Just Go With It" would probably be a good place to start.

Then, of course, we have...


...well, we'll just leave that one be.

4 comments:

Lauren said...

i've always thought jen aniston is a sweet woman who would make a great (forgive me) friend. however, she cannot act. her roles are *for* jen aniston because they enable her to just be herself. leaving her alone, please be sure to remind me not. to. talk. like. this. because i don't mean to. it's been ingrained, and now it's just too late. forgive me?

Rick C said...

Excellent take on a form of saturation marketing. Explains why moviegoers can feel bamboozled during or after the flick. I'd like to say Worst.Marketing.Ever, but I don't want a wicked stink eye.

Kurtis O said...

Oh, I'm not really gonna blacklist folks for speaking. in clipped. words., but I'm glad my disgust came across strongly. It's truly the Macarena of 2010 speech...carried over to 2011.

Vince in WeHo said...

Jennifer Aniston has very limited range as her Rachel Green has been as good as it gets (thus far). But, I watched "Just Go With It," and she actually does everything she can with the part when she could have called it in. It's actually the first time in a movie I've seen her show some acting chops. It wasn't much, but it was something enough that I noticed it.

While indeed it was an Adam Sandler movie, it had to have been better than Grown-Up's (which I haven't seen). If you can get over the banal story and predictability, there are several performances to be enjoyed. If you can't, well, then, there are no performances to be enjoyed.